I Am Still Accountable

Chad mentioned something last night that has inspired this post.

 I cleansed yesterday and was whining about being hungry (haha) and he mentioned how he hasn't received one of my Fitness Pal updates in awhile and it's true, I haven't sent any. Because there really isn't much to report.

Since hitting the 100 lb lost mark, it's been VERY slow moving. Painfully slow. Yet, I am not the least bit discouraged because it is still coming off and hopefully - at this pace, it means I will not only continue but maintain the success I've had thus far.

I also don't measure my success entirely on the scale.

But alas, to date

I have...

Lost 111.4 lbs
Lost over 84 inches
I am jogging, jumping and have more energy than I have in years.
I work out six times a week
I kicked up the work-out regime and added in a Cardio Kick boxing class (which I have a love/hate relationship with)
I eat whatever I want and rarely feel guilty. I still make good choices but I am not a prisoner to food.

So. I am happy. Progress is still happening and generally speaking I feel pretty fabulous.

I am still here. I am still accountable and I will keep going.

One thing I must comment on. People really start to notice it more now and the most common question is:

WHAT ARE YOU DOING/HOW DID YOU DO IT?

I find this such a funny question, I giggle every time because they're hoping for some magic cure or something. I think most people assume I had surgery to lose as much as I did in a relatively short period of time. I have an enormous amount of pride when I tell them it really came down to a lot of hard work at the gym and being really smart with nutrition and fueling my body with what it needs to do the job it is designed to do.

 This isn't a sprint. It's a life-long marathon and I'm still chuggin' along :)

Thank you to those of you out there who have supported me in this endeavor. It is definitely noticed AND appreciated!


 

The Scale Is Not Your Friend

I don't know if it's a fad or the direction the world is going with people reclaiming their health - but Facebook leads me to believe there is an upward trend of people saying 'Enough is Enough', kicking up their workout routine and trying to lose weight and get healthier.

One of the biggest changes is we're doing this - blogging. And our reason is public accountability.  No one wants to fail in front of 500 - 1,000 of their closest friends right?

I haven't weighed in today but I am guessing to be pretty close to the 100 lb mark still. Two weeks and I've been on the yo-yo ride of up and down. It gets so frustrating because all I want to do is keep going. But you know what I reminded myself this morning?

I AM.

 The scale is not my friend. It doesn't tell the whole story. What am I talking about? The scale has stayed the same for the most part, up 3 pounds, down 2. Up 1, down 1. But I felt like I was still losing. I felt like my pants are a little loser. So I took my measurements and in the past 2.5-3 weeks I have lost another 7 inches.  And the BEST part? It's almost all around my belly/waist/hips . I need to lose all over but that's the area I noticed the difference. 

Morale of the story is. Trust your instincts. Take your measurements. The scale, while incredibly motivating (or demotivating) doesn't tell the whole story and isn't always your friend. 

Keep pushing, keep trying - especially when you don't want to. That's when the rewards feel the best.

Major Milestone Achieved!

Since I've taken to documenting some of this journey both for reflection and accountability - I've decided to put pen to paper, so to speak and share this particular milestone.

Last week, I hit a pretty big milestone. When I weighed in at the gym, I admit - I shed a few tears. I have no ideal or goal weight in mind but losing 100 pounds was just really huge.

Physically, I definitely feel the change more than I see it. I was and still am a super-sized woman. Most people who lose 100 lbs can tell a dramatic different. Me? It's there, but I still have a long way to go. But I'm not focusing on that. I'm focusing on how far I've come, how I feel and how much of my life and confidence I've gotten back already.

I still drag at times but generally speaking;  I have energy, I have motivation and I have determination. People ask me how I do it or what I've done.

No, I did not have surgery. Not my gig.
No, I am not on a diet. Don't believe in them.
No, I have no magic pills.

I workout 6 times a week.
I eat healthy. (But I still indulge regularly, I refuse to be a prisoner to food and I'm way too lazy to food prep)
I drink 1 isagenix shake a day.
I take one scoop of ionix supreme a day.
I cleanse once or twice a month. (Isagenix, Cleanse for Life)
I try to get a good amount of protein.

That's it. It's not rocket science but it is not easy. It takes work and dedication and it requires you to leave the excuses in the past. I made myself a priority and my health and happiness my motivation.

I go to the gym and I work hard. The harder I work, the better my results. I make better choices nutritionally. But I still indulge because living on salad is not something I can maintain for the rest of my life. And I want this change to be sustainable and maintainable. I've battled weight my whole life and will continue to. Every day. It may come off a little slower with not being super strict. But my hope? Is it will last. Because there's just no way I am losing myself that much again. I just about hit rock bottom and I much prefer the view from up here. :)

 

That's it.

The Journey Is Just Beginning

2017 is coming to a close and for the first time in a long time,  I can reflect and be proud of the year gone-by.

I am still married to my best friend who shows me every day just how incredible of a human being he is. With so much strength, determination and heart. Who is also entering 3 years cancer free! *Dances* :)

I still have a job that I absolutely love that brings me joy and challenges me to be creative.

I have a wonderful family and a great group of friends. I've met even more fabulous people this year and created new bonds that I know I'll cherish for a long time to come.

I can also look in the mirror and be proud of the person staring back at me. I did something this year I haven't done for a very long time and that is putting myself first. Allowing myself to matter. And taking pride and care, to be a better version of myself.

My weight loss journey has been challenging. I have discovered the wonderful world of plateaus but thus far I have hit the 90 lbs mark! Granted, Christmas added a few back on but I will work them off. I have a very long way to go and I know it's going to take time, hard work and dedication but I also know I will keep going. How do I know that? Because I will never, ever let myself feel like I used to.

I have energy now. My back doesn't hurt nearly as bad. I enjoy the thrill of progress - even when the scale isn't cooperating. I measure progress in so many ways. When I get on the treadmill to jog and I remember the days I couldn't even last walking for 5 minutes at a slow pace due to back issues. Now I am jogging and feeling great.

I have pants I can't keep up and shirts that don't cling quite as tight.  I haven't lost enough to notice major changes or need a new wardrobe but - give me time!

I never post these pics but for accountability sake.The image on the left was after losing 20 lbs. The image on the right was after losing 90. Slow and steady wins the race.

I hope and pray 2018 brings my family and friends good health, happiness and the opportunity and ability to smash more goals, explore the world and create memories!

The Struggle Is Real

Approximately 11 weeks ago, I posted my first blog about my Fitness Journey. At the time I was celebrating the loss of 50 lbs! It was a big milestone and I shared my story for a few different reasons.
I was asked to, accountability and to perhaps inspire others.

I am back again today but more so for accountability than anything else. I am still working hard towards my goal but I am here to say; This is not easy! But man, it's worth it!

A few weeks after my last post, I got super ill and then (sorry fellas) had a period from hell. Really bad. This put a stint in my weight loss and ever since then I was battling the much hated 'plateau'. I kept losing and gaining the same 7 pounds! It was so unbelievably frustrating. So I have some serious advice for anyone who goes on a journey like this - Seriously. Listen.

TAKE YOUR MEASUREMENTS!

As I mentioned previously, this entire life change for me wasn't about the numbers on the scale, rather how I felt. With that said, seeing the numbers drop was super motivating. So when they stopped dropping, it was beyond discouraging. So I decided to check my measurements and low and behold - even though I had only lost and gained the same 7 pounds forever, I was still losing inches.

My phone died and I lost the official count but I've lost approximately 60 inches so far. I try to focus on that when the scale is being a jerk and remind myself that I am getting stronger, gaining muscle and still getting smaller. And most importantly of all - I FEEL great.

 As of yesterday, I am down 80 lbs. The physical change still isn't super noticeable but *I* notice it big time. I am wearing jeans I haven't worn in a decade. Some pants I can barely keep up. I feel stronger. I have had to make some changes to my diet, mostly - I am trying to eat more. I don't want my metabolism to bottom out. There really isn't a lot more I think I can do nutritionally because sustainability is super important to me. I don't want to try something I can't maintain and end up failing in the long run. Since this is a lifetime change for me, I have to be absolutely certain whatever I decide to do, I can maintain.

The biggest change I am making is with my fitness. What I used to struggle with at the gym almost became too easy. I still workout 6 times a week and for the most part, enjoy it. I'm human, there are some days I just don't want to go. But I do. I always do. When I got super sick, I never missed a day. Yesterday I had a stomach bug and was running on a couple hours sleep due to being at the ER for my husband the night before - but I still went. It wasn't a great workout but I went.

In my last post I said... " I feel so freakin' amazing when I leave the gym now, I just want to run! I haven't ran in years!" Now? I've started jogging on the treadmill! It's a SLOW jog, mixed with walking intervals but holy hell batman, I'm actually jogging again! It's making me sweat big time and I think that is why I have begun to push through my plateau.

The weight may be coming off slower than when I first started but it's still coming off! I began documenting my weight on June 1, 2017.  Just over 5 months, I've lost 60 inches and 80 pounds and I feel like a brand new woman. The struggle is real - but it's worth it.

A Little Less Of Me

I'm an over-sharer. I am not shy, I don't put on airs and I have no problem letting people into my life,
provided I think I can trust them enough not to screw it up. I'll share with complete strangers too if I think anything I've experienced may be beneficial.

And that's why I am here today.

For weeks I have been trying to put words on paper to explain some of the changes I've made in my life recently, but I could never quite find the 'right time' or the 'right words'. When I consider that and look at the last decade of my life - that statement pretty much sums up my entire existence.

For the past year or so, I had been struggling to find happiness - a reason to keep going. I mean really struggling. I'm not suggesting I was suicidal but I won't pretend that I felt I had a lot of reasons to live. I was so consumed with being depressed that sincere, legit smiles were few and far between. But the tears? They flowed freely.

I am a super plus sized woman. I was tired ALL the time. My back pain was out of this world. To the point I couldn't barely stand for ten minutes without it hurting. I had no energy, no motivation and I couldn't look in the mirror without wanting to spit on the person staring back at me. Pretty harsh way to view yourself right?

I've spent the last decade of my life dedicating every second to everyone and anyone else. Whether it be the job, the husband, the step kids - it didn't matter - as long as it wasn't me. I lost myself.  I felt guilty spending any money on ME, definitely didn't spend any time pampering myself or doing the things I enjoy. Sure, I still went to the gym but I went through the motions, more to say I was there than for any actual benefit.

The thing I needed the most was energy. I felt like if I could find some magic pill to boost my energy, I could do the rest.  Amazon.com became my BFF. I tried numerous things, all resulting in nothing but wasted time and money. I tried Plexus for awhile but that didn't really do much for me either.

I continued to browse, read and research but I kept coming up empty handed. My friends on Social Media all seemed to sell something and I usually passed it by, thinking it's just another one of those false promise products. Then something caught my eye. Isagenix.  Two girls I went to school with were involved in it. One I kind of knew (Nicola), the other I knew from sports (Michelle). I always admired Michelle growing up. She was only a year older than me but was gorgeous, super athletic and just seemed to be the nicest and friendliest person ever. She and Nicola both seemed to be such genuine and honest people, I didn't think they would promote a product with such passion unless they truly believed in it.

I made a post one day on Facebook about my extreme lack of energy and Nicola reached out to me. We shared a few messages and I ignored the information for awhile. Eventually - I decided to try it. Nicola has become such a wonderful beacon of support for my journey, I don't know if she'll ever understand the impact she's had on my life. Believing in the product enough to not only reach out, but check in and sincerely care about the progress. Amazing.

Now, I'm not going to lie. This blog post is not an advertisement for Isagenix. So you'll get it straight. I was hesitant to begin because the price was steep. I was also truly looking for something that was sustainable and if I'm being honest. Living on two shakes, one meal and some snacks wasn't sustainable to me. Nicola worked with me and we came up with a modified plan which worked both financially and nutritionally.

So I went for it. Ordered it. It arrived. I half-assed tried but didn't feel any immediate change and the taste of one of the products turned me off hardcore - so the stuff just sat there collecting dust.

Not long after that something happened in my personal life that broke me. To the core. But it also woke me up. I stood back and looked in that mirror trying to find myself. Wondering where I went and how I got so lost?

Then something special happened. I looked in the mirror again and decided I was worth fighting for. I wasn't ready to give up. I wanted to live and more importantly I wanted to live and be happy.

Happiness seemed to be so elusive for so many years but for the first time in just about forever, I decided I was worth it and I would make it happen.  Because I deserved it. I deserved to be happy. 

So at the end of May I started Isagenix again. Decided to kick up my work out and I downloaded the My Fitness Pal app. As Nicola said to me, Isagenix isn't a magic pill. It's science.

After 78 days I have lost 50 pounds. This is just the beginning. I have a long road ahead of me, but this isn't a sprint. It's a marathon, or more affectionately; "This is my Life-A-Thon".  At my size, 50 lbs is barely noticeable physically but man - I feel like a million bucks.

Working out has become a natural drug to me. I feel so freakin' amazing when I leave the gym now, I just want to run! I haven't ran in years! I have done Zumba for awhile now. I used to have to sit down every ten minutes. Now, I only sit if I want to - not because my back hurts. My back barely bothers me at all, I have energy, motivation and a desire to keep going.
 
Yes, the numbers dropping on the scale is motivating but it doesn't even come close to touching how motivating it is to look in that mirror and be proud of the person I see starting back at me. I am working hard, I am committed and it is working. I feel better than ever and I've only been doing this for two and a half months! I can't imagine how great I'll feel in six months, a year, five years!

The secret to my success contains three things.

Fitness: I work out six times a week. I sweat and I push myself hard. The gym has become a priority to me because *I* have become a priority.  My husband supports this fully and no one grumbles anymore if I tell them "Sorry can't, got to work out" And... Now I have the energy to do it!

My Fitness Pal:  The reason this app works for me is two-fold. It holds me accountable and also educates me. I never really ate bad but this app has forced me to see the reality of some of the food I consumed and has helped me make better choices consistently.  Some people smudge and lie about their numbers but really, why? You still ate it. Be honest. This app can he as helpful as you allow it to be. I didn't want to go the meal prep route, that's not sustainable for me. I wanted a way to choose what to eat that was flexible. Yes, it requires some sacrifices but the rewards so far out weigh those it doesn't even bother me anymore. Ice cream is my weakness. But rather than that, I indulge in frozen yogurt :)I am determined to still enjoy life and not become a prisoner to food or nutrition!

Isagenix:  I've learned, it's not just about what you DON'T put in your body, it's about what you DO put in it. I strongly believe that something about this product really works. It is giving my body what it needs to work how it should. I start every morning with a scoop of Ionix Supreme and have a shake a day! I plan to try some cleansing products eventually. I am sure the more I do the better my results will be, so I am excited for the future. I am taking baby steps and thus far, it's working so I'm sticking with it! I may have been even more successful if I did the full plan but like I said, this is a lifetime journey for me. I don't need it to be an overnight success. I just need it to be something I can commit to doing and this? #IGotThis :)

In conclusion; I have no idea what part of my journey is making the biggest difference. But it's working and I'm sticking with it until it stops! I'll make changes when the need arises. Right now though, I feel great - I feel motivated - life is better than it's been in a long time. I'm doing things for ME again because I enjoy them. My health is improving, the inches are falling off and the best part about it all? This is just the beginning :)

The biggest difference between previous attempts and this one? I am doing it for the right reasons. I am doing it for me. I believe I am worth it and I'm fighting to take my life back.

One Life - One Chance

You get one time around, one roll of the dice - one walk through the garden, one quick look at life. The time that you lose, can never be found - the world keeps turning, you get one time around. - Michelle Wright

Great song. Great perspective.

'Something' happened in my personal life that, if nothing else, gave me a gigantic, huge, metaphoric wake-up call. Under the guise of 'honesty', I was awoken to realize that over the past seven years - I changed. I became a wife and a step-mother and along the way I got lost. I put everyone and everything ahead of myself. I never felt I belonged in this life and I was always trying to figure out my place and my role - to the point where I completely lost sight of me and what makes me happy.

I was at the gym the other day when a song from my past came on my playlist and I literally broke. In the middle of the gym, using the chest fly machine - I broke. Because I remembered. One song transported me back through time to an era where I was number one. I did what ever it was, on any given day, that made me happy.

For the past week or so, I've been feeling pretty content. Simply because I have finally reached my threshold. If someone says or does something to me that is uncalled for or unnecessary - I walk away. I don't care if it hurts their feelings or pisses them off. They'll deal. I'm better than that and I deserve more.

I've given so much of myself and it's mostly for nothing. I tried to step-parent a child and everything I tried to teach or values i tried to instill went in one ear and out the other. Nearly 7 years of my life, a ton of headaches, a million lost tears - for absolutely nothing. No one cares. Why should I? The list goes on.

I am fiercely loyal. To a fault. But I have my breaking point, as does any human. I have no tolerance for fake people. Be who you are. Don't lead people to believe you're a certain way when others know the truth. It's fake. It's ugly. It's annoying.

If you have something to say to someone  - say it. If you say you're going to do something - do it. There's no need to make a public declaration that "this is going to happen". If you mean it, you do it. You don't look back.

I constantly think I am failing. At life. Friendship. Health. Marriage. Parenting. Family. You name it. I fail it. But one thing is for damn sure. I will NEVER stop trying. I will never stop trying to be the best me I can be. I owe that to myself. You do too.