Perspective

Read the words on the photo. Start at the top and work your way down. When you're done, read them again. Except this time - start at the bottom and work your way up.

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Interesting, eh? Perspective. When we are faced with obstacles or situations we react a certain way. This photo that came across my news feed exemplifies - visually -  how easy we can change our perspective. All we need to do is stop ourselves and start over. Obviously, it's not always that easy but it is much easier to see things on a brighter side when you at least try. If you make no effort to actually improve your attitude, it's never going to happen.

I, too often, see people fall into these traps where they would rather focus on everything that has them down, as opposed to everything that lifts them up. I am guilty of it too. Sometimes, it seems easier to cry about what you don't have than to be thankful for the blessing that you do have.

In my real life, I am surrounded by these type of people and it is draining because in my heart - I am not one of them. I work for what I have and if I want something, I do what I have to do to get it. I get so tired (and frustrated) with the people who only think of themselves and their immediate pleasure instead of looking at the long term goal and route to get there.

So next time something happens in your life - take a moment to consider it, before you react to it.  It is very possible that there's another perspective out there that might help keep your days full of Good, instead of Bad.

I'm Getting Good At Not Caring

I am helping to raise a teenage girl. As anyone who knows me is aware - children were never a part of my master plan. But I fell for that whole "falling in love" facade and the man had kids. It's part of the package, just like my love for dogs <3

This particular entry is all about the youngest girl, Haven. She will be turning 18 in November and technically I've been filling this role since 2010, granted it officially began in 2011 when I moved to the USA.

Haven is a very bright young woman. She is well versed, articulate and has a very creative and thoughtful mind. She lost her mother when she was three and over the years lacked serious emotional development. (Keep in mind, this is all my opinion. I have no training, experience of knowledge - I am just making observations) If you sit down and have a conversation with her,  basing your opinion on her vocabulary and how she carries herself, you may never know she is 17. However, it won't take you long to see that underneath it all - something is lacking.

She struggled throughout elementary and middle school. I came into her life for Grade 9 and while difficult, things definitely started to improve. She was taking care of herself (physically) and coming out of her shell. She became a Straight A student (until one B this year, which was still a 92%) and she put forth very little effort. She basically got Straight A's by doing the bare minimum which only supports the level of intelligence and potential she has. If she could only focus and apply herself - the world would know no boundaries.

She will be a Senior in high school next month and with the last year of her childhood fast approaching, she has begun a downward spiral. She hates change (even though she does pretty well with it) She is scared of the future and she is still under developed emotionally. As a result of these things, she seems to have rescinded in her endeavor to grow up.

She has gotten very lazy and has taken selfishness to an entirely new level. She is lying all the time, straight to my face - when I know the truth already. She lies about big things and absolutely ridiculous tiny things that make no sense. She is breaking rules, left right and center. The little money she did have saved, she has blown on junk food and video games. She is involved with older men online, role playing in a very sexual manner (just found out this one today, haven't had the pleasure of confronting her about this one yet). She cuts herself (well pretends to, it's always very surface level and seems to be more about attention than anything else)

She has next to no friends and the few she does have are not very good friends in my eyes. The only time she hangs out with them is when she makes all the effort to ensure they have plans. (Twice this entire Summer thus far). Whenever she corresponds with them, she is always so depressing though - it's no wonder they don't invite her places. We took she and her brother to the fair and a group of her friends were there. No one had invited her. It didn't even phase her. She just doesn't get it. 

She says she is bi-sexual. She also has created this person inside her head called "Hallow" that tells her to do bad things.  She steals things, and sneaks on the internet at night (Really whenever she thinks she can get away with it)

I've done everything I can think of doing. I've tried the be a best friend thing, I've tried tough love, I've taken absolutely every single thing she had for entertainment away from her. I can't 'ground' her because she never leaves the house. It took weeks of pushing her, but finally she got a job - so that's something. 

She never complains about going to work and actually seems to enjoy it. And she IS a good kid. She just constantly and consistently makes bad choices.

So this is what I've learned; 

Let her.

I have tried to guide her, to show her, to let her make mistakes and she doesn't - absolutely refuses - to learn from them.

I had to stop caring.

I won't cry anymore about it. I won't wonder what I am doing wrong. 

I can't concern myself if she turns into a complete fuck-up. If she wants to be on welfare, if she wants to end up in a dead end relationship, if she wants to work in a fast food joint for the rest of her life - it's her choice.

I can't force her to make the right one. 

I can only lead her and guide her and give her as many tools as I can to help her make the right choice but at the end of the day - it's hers. And with her choices come her consequences.

I will keep my rules in my house. I will not enable her. But I also won't catch her anymore every time she falls. And she will fall. She has to.  It's her only chance.

I used to spend hours and days and sleepless nights trying to think of what else can *I* do to help her. She only has a year left, I felt the time crunch.

And today - when I found out the latest debacle. (Her father strictly forbid her to role play in any sexual manner, let alone full on smut and she, yet again, broke his rules) I laughed. Just another notch on the belt, Haven.

Way to continue to break rules and disappoint your parents who have busted their asses to try and provide a safe and happy home for you. 

She graduates in a year. I hope within the next 10 months she has an epiphany and learns how to choose what is important and what is right over what feels good 'right now'.

But for me? I'm being selfish now. I'm choosing what feels good. I won't give up on her but I have stopped caring so much. I know I have done all I can do, short of kicking her out of my house. Hopefully, she won't make me do that too.