I have so much on my mind lately, I feel like my brain is going to explode straight out of my head. I don't even know where to begin.
There's this never-ending sea-saw effect in my life where I attempt to balance the happiness and hopefulness with the weariness and fear. Sometimes the scale tops a little in either direction and it's too much too handle. I live with the constant paranoia if something goes good, what does that mean is waiting for me around the corner that is going to upset my life? Of course Chad's health is my primary concern.
Aside from that, the events of my family and the world have my mind in spirals. I literally crave sleep every night. Not because I get rest but because - at least for a few minutes - I shut down and not obsess over every little thing from whether or not the house purchase will come through, if Chad's health will improve to if my step kids have everything they need for their next stage of life.
Being human is a complex ball of emotions. I was raised to work hard and to never give up. Over the years I have learned that it is my responsibility to do things well, not procrastinate and never, ever quit - to do everything I can to achieve the results I desire. I value honesty above all else and it is so unbelievably maddening when I see people close to me (or even just acquaintances) who act as though they're one way (usually a victim) when in reality, they're the most self-serving, egotistical and lackadaisical person on the planet. Those who claim they are superior and put on this heroic act when the truth is; for those who really know them ... Well they're nothing like the visage they put forth.
Another frustration lies with those people who you do everything for. You give them every ounce of energy and every benefit of a doubt and they, in return, don't give a rats ass. They'll treat a near-stranger better than they treat you and it leaves you pondering why you even bother.
On another note: Social media. Man, Facebook hurts my head. We live in a society where everyone is offended by everything and god forbid you have a different opinion. If people spent more time opening their tiny little minds instead of being offended by every Tom, Dick and Harry on the internet - they may actually grow, mature and learn something. Expand their thought process beyond their own comfortable little border and explore a land of possibility where everything isn't so black and white.
Then there are those who have opinions but do nothing about them. The election for example. I've seen people make prophetic statements about the state of their country but they've never done a lick of research or invested any time what-so-ever in learning what each party represented and what promises the platforms held. Nevermind the fact they didn't even bother to vote to begin with.I strongly believe if you don't educate yourself, if you don't vote - then you don't deserve to have an opinion. You didn't have one when it mattered, you don't get one now.
With all that ranting put aside. I am more happy today than I have been in a very long time. Little pieces of my life are coming together and while I worry about Chad constantly, I am so happy to have him with me and see him strong enough to push through each day. I am so blessed to have a man like him, a family like I have and the friends I call near and dear. All in all. It's a great day to be alive.
