You get one time around, one roll of the dice - one walk through the garden, one quick look at life. The time that you lose, can never be found - the world keeps turning, you get one time around. - Michelle Wright
Great song. Great perspective.
'Something' happened in my personal life that, if nothing else, gave me a gigantic, huge, metaphoric wake-up call. Under the guise of 'honesty', I was awoken to realize that over the past seven years - I changed. I became a wife and a step-mother and along the way I got lost. I put everyone and everything ahead of myself. I never felt I belonged in this life and I was always trying to figure out my place and my role - to the point where I completely lost sight of me and what makes me happy.
I was at the gym the other day when a song from my past came on my playlist and I literally broke. In the middle of the gym, using the chest fly machine - I broke. Because I remembered. One song transported me back through time to an era where I was number one. I did what ever it was, on any given day, that made me happy.
For the past week or so, I've been feeling pretty content. Simply because I have finally reached my threshold. If someone says or does something to me that is uncalled for or unnecessary - I walk away. I don't care if it hurts their feelings or pisses them off. They'll deal. I'm better than that and I deserve more.
I've given so much of myself and it's mostly for nothing. I tried to step-parent a child and everything I tried to teach or values i tried to instill went in one ear and out the other. Nearly 7 years of my life, a ton of headaches, a million lost tears - for absolutely nothing. No one cares. Why should I? The list goes on.
I am fiercely loyal. To a fault. But I have my breaking point, as does any human. I have no tolerance for fake people. Be who you are. Don't lead people to believe you're a certain way when others know the truth. It's fake. It's ugly. It's annoying.
If you have something to say to someone - say it. If you say you're going to do something - do it. There's no need to make a public declaration that "this is going to happen". If you mean it, you do it. You don't look back.
I constantly think I am failing. At life. Friendship. Health. Marriage. Parenting. Family. You name it. I fail it. But one thing is for damn sure. I will NEVER stop trying. I will never stop trying to be the best me I can be. I owe that to myself. You do too.
