One Day At A Time

Facebook has this app that tells you what you were doing "On This Day" X number of years ago.

One Year Ago Today: We were in Baltimore, preparing for Chad's Colonoscopy and then surgery.

Two Years Ago Today: I had received our Disney Arm Bands in the mail, preparing to take the kids to Florida.

Life can change on a dime, I've said it 100 times.  The past 14 months of my life has been the biggest roller coaster of them all - far surpassed anything Disney had to offer (Not that I went ON any Roller coasters, have you seen the size of my ass?) Some people think we've got terrible luck to keep facing obstacles; some think we're incredibly lucky to keep getting positive news in the light of dark. I battle with myself trying to figure out exactly what we are; but one thing is for certain. I take whatever is dished out - one day at a time.

I can't focus on the future right now or what might be coming our way because it absolutely overwhelms me to the core. I can't think of the past and what we've been through because it makes my heart ache. All I can do is take whatever is happening, when it's happening and push through it. Figure it out, one day at a time.

I am the type of person who just doesn't give up easily. It's a trait I learned from my father, one I've admired my whole life. Both of my parents have worked for as long as I remember and even when things got tough, they soldiered on and figured things out. The moto I have always lived by is one my father used to say to me growing up. "Good things come to those who work hard". So I do. And I always will.

I am 150% committed to my job. (It doesn't hurt that i love the work I do) I remember when I did job shadowing in High School. I went to the Neptune Theater with a group of students and we were mentored by a lady named Janet White (I think that's her name. Amazing I still even remember). She made a statement that has stuck with me every. single. day. of. my. life.

"If you find a job you love, you'll never have to work a day in your life" Yes, I work a lot. I am constantly on my phone checking in. Communicating with our volunteers, our community, my co-workers and while I definitely get frustrated - I love it.

I didn't even mean to start talking about work. I was just sitting here thinking about this One Day At A Time thing and how we got to where we are. Life isn't magical. It doesn't just 'happen' to us and make everything okay. It takes dedication and hard work. There are far too many people out there who just expect everyone else to pick up their pieces when they let them fall. I don't respect that.

I don't respect nor do I want anything to do with people who wait for the world to do their job. I don't like excuses, in fact they irritate me. They show weakness. You can veil an excuse however you want; dress it up and try to pass it off as something other than what it is - but you're not fooling anyone.

Work hard. Stay committed. Give life everything you've got and take it - one day at a time.

Frustration

My life isn't bad. It's actually pretty good. I have a fantastic job which I absolutely love. I have some good friends. I have a wonderful and supportive family spread out across the continent. I have a husband who I do love more than I know what to do with. I have great step-kids and adorable fur-babies. I go to a great church, with an amazing preacher and supportive congregation.

But I find I get so frustrated lately. Everything looks great on paper but there's a lot going on in my life that makes the day to day laborious and difficult. I often feel like I am drowning in an environment that I should be thriving in.  No, my marriage isn't perfect. Being a step-parent stresses me out. Chad's health isn't great. It seems there is one thing after another and keeping my head above water through it all is sometimes so overwhelming I don't even know how to function.

I'm constantly torn between being grateful for all my blessings and then wondering what the hell I even bother for. I am a do'er. I try not to focus on the negative and look for the things that are good or could be great. I try to inspire people to be better than they were yesterday but there's so much resistance sometimes (this is both professional and personal) that I wonder how anyone survives with their head planted so firmly up their own ass. It's like they're just waiting for everyone to come in and solve their problems without taking the initiative and figuring it out for themselves.

I am not perfect, far from it. Sometimes my faults scream so loudly they keep me up at night. Like when it comes to cleaning the bathroom, or in taking care of myself and putting myself first. Or when I forgive too easily but can never, ever forget anything no matter how hard I try.

The one thing I have going for me is I do learn from my mistakes. Sometimes though, it's not my mistake. And there's nothing I can do to fix something and it just kills me because I want to. I want to make people happy. I want people to BE happy. To believe in themselves. To chase the moon and stars and become the best version of themselves they can be. I know that sounds cliche. It's a side effect of my 'aspiring over-achiever attitude'. I've never quite been amazing at anything but I've tried. I usually just end up being good at a few things. (That's why I don't bowl. I'm horrible)

Anyways, I'm rambling. I'm frustrated. I don't have all the answers and I don't know how to get them. I don't know how to make people give a damn about the things that are important. I don't know how to help them focus and I don't know how to not care. I just don't know.