It's amazing how, an otherwise decent year, can be dampened by grief. Up until October, I would've said 2014 was a good year but it all went downhill fast and I am glad to see it go.
I'm not going to focus this entry on what has happened - good or bad. Rather, I am going to focus on the future. So during my next few minutes of erratic typing, I am going to explore some personal thoughts, as well as offer some advice to any unknowing eyes that may happen across this.
Life - regardless of how good or bad it seems - is a blessing and it should be treated as such. Spend less time complaining about everything that is wrong and more time being thankful for everything that is right. And if you're so miserable in being yourself that you can't find anything right, feel free to touch base with me and I'll help you pull your head out of your ass.
Let Go - The past is just that, the past. Harping about it, crying about it, shoving it down people's throat every time something new happens, gets old. So you got dumped, lost a job, car broke down - whatever it is that keeps haunting you - find peace and let it go. I know it's easier said than done but the first step is trying.
Take Initiative - I am as guilty as this as the next guy but some people take this to extremes. If you're unhappy or think your life is unfulfilled - do something about it. On your own. Stop waiting for the world to fix your fucked up existence for you. If you're on the verge of growing up - do it. It's going to happen anyways, so it may as well be on your terms. Stop being lazy, stop making excuses and be the driver of your own fate.
Which leads me to my next rant;
If you're going to do something. Just do it. Stop telling the world about it, seriously. Close your mouth and make it happen. The more you boast about it, the less people believe you're going to do it and ultimately, the less people care. If you're making these continuous posts as a thinly veiled 'threat' or you have some other delusional reason behind it - you're not fooling anyone. You're just making yourself look like a psycho. So if you want a new job, get one. Starting a 'new you', leaving everyone behind. Adios! Going to join that gym after-all - right. Good. Best of Luck.
Seriously, shut-up with the dramatics. Think "Less Talking - More Doing".
As for me? I'm going to try to follow my own advice. I am also going to work on loving myself more. Maybe if I care more about me, others will follow suit. If not, their loss! :D
... to feel lonely.
It's not that I've never felt this way before, because I have. More often than I probably care to remember. I just find myself having an exceptionally difficult time feeling 'happy' this holiday season. And it's not just because I am feeling the loss of Poppy and Patches or missing my family that is scattered out all around North America. It's more than that.
I look around at the relationships surrounding me in my immediate, every day life and I guess I am feeling less than fulfilled. It seems everyone's first priority is someone other than me, myself included. People are too busy thinking of themselves or someone they think more important than me. I feel like I can never measure up, or what I do is never enough. The things I say or request of people (which I consider to be very little) go in one ear and out the other. No one in my "Kentucky" life, ever asks me how I am, how my day is going or any sort of inquiry into my personal well-being. And if I try to share it on my own accord, the conversation soon changes tide or is completely unacknowledged.
I know people care about me, maybe even love me - I just wish I 'felt' it in an every day presence, rather than an occasional glimpse. I don't normally express this type of emotion out loud but Christmas is in three days and I need to release this gloom 'somehow'. I desperately want to feel festive and I don't know what I can do to escape the dark clouds.
So I wrote it down. Can't say I feel better but at least it's out there. For no one to read...
Don't be surprised but Faebook has once again inspired a thought to be formed in my brain. This doesn't happen often so I like to put pen to paper when it does.
I don't know if it's the season and people are naturally inclined to try and out do one another, to keep up with the Jones' so to speak - but it seems like more and more people are putting on a charade about their life being so close to perfect that even the angels in heaven would be jealous.
While this covers pretty much every topic you could imagine, I am going to zone in on one area in particular - relationships. There are people who are almost unrecognizable now. And I am not talking just physically - though even that seems to have changed - but people you've known for years, knew their beliefs, their values and their life priorities - Well it all seems a distant memory.
These people have one thing in common and that's that they've entered into a new relationship. The newest, latest and greatest 'love of their life'. It seems they're going to great lengths to change themselves and re-write their past to accommodate their future and, quite frankly, it makes no sense and gives me cause for concern for them.
Naturally, when you enter a new relationship you have to blend your worlds together equally. You each may make small sacrifices and changes to better your relationship and inevitably - better yourself as an individual. However, if you completely turn yourself into someone new in an effort to make someone else happy - you're only going to end up hurt and alone.
Because they don't love you.
And no amount of changing is going to make them love you. They may think they love you. They may even try to convince you (and themselves) daily. But chances are if you find yourself giving more, changing more, sacrificing more - you're also going to lose more. If you have anything left to lose, that is.
You're not reinventing yourself, you're losing yourself. You're erasing everything you've ever been and believed in, in an effort to make your partner love you. This seems to be happening in both genders but women are taking the crown.
So ladies - this is for you. Be yourself. Love yourself as you are. You shouldn't have to change jobs, change your style, make new friends or anything else super life altering like that to make your man happy.
And fellas - If you're spending less time with your kids, growing facial hair you truly can't stand or feel yourself being cut off from the world - or completely sucked into hers. You need your own identity.
Love is a wonderful thing but it should be natural, not forced. Real, not fake. Do yourself and your new relationship a favor and get back to the basics, back to what's really important and make sure you're not giving yourself away in the name of 'love'.
If you feel like you're constantly trying to measure up - chances are you never will.
It's amazing how, an otherwise decent year, can be dampened by grief. Up until October, I would've said 2014 was a good year but it all went downhill fast and I am glad to see it go. 