To Be A Good Parent - You Need To Be A Good Person
One of the reasons I never wanted children is because I am selfish. Well I was. I still am a bit but if you're even remotely human - children (and a husband) changes that. I wanted a nice clean house, a stable job, the freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted and not consider other people (especially tiny, dirty or expensive ones) as part of the equation.
But when I married a man who had children - I accepted my life had to change. I am not the perfect step parent. Far from it. I lack patience, I do not wear blinders so I see their faults quite clearly, I lack the ability to communicate in a soft and comforting way. I tell it like it is. Take it or leave it. That's just who I am.
But I try. I give it everything I have, which may sometimes not be much, but I give it. I didn't choose to have kids. I chose to marry a man who did and while that may be the same thing to some, it's not to me. I will always do my best for them and I love them with my whole heart. However, they are not my children. I did not carry them in my womb and I simply do not have that natural motherly instinct I believe mothers should have.
So when I consider how much I give, how much I sacrifice and how hard I try - for these children who do not even belong to me - it absolutely burns my ass when I see parents, who spread their legs and create children willingly - being absolutely pathetic excuses for 'mothers' or 'fathers'.
If you birth'd or participated in the creation of a child. They're yours and they should always, always be your first priority. They're my first priority, why the hell aren't they YOURS? Don't spend all your money on your latest boyfriend and then complain you have none for diapers or daycare! Don't buy whatever man is tolerating you for the month expensive things and then put your kid in raggedly old torn up sneakers, three sizes too big and cry about how hard it is to make ends meet.
When you plan a vacation, include your kids! I do! I took them to Disney World, what have you done?
So the next time all you men or women out there post on Facebook about how amazing of a mother or father - and person you are, remember some of us know you in real life.
End Rant.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Sunday, May 3, 2015
The Time Will Come.
I don't walk around in my every day life with a chip on my shoulder (anymore). There was a time in my life when it felt like the world was against me and my actions reflected that. I don't feel that way anymore - so generally speaking, I am a happy person. I don't make every Facebook post as a call for attention or to create drama (and then turn around and pretend I hate drama) I am not one of those busy bodies with nothing to do.
When I write these posts, I am usually ranting and complaining or giving my opinion on something that is happening around me. Usually, it's therapeutic. Why? Because I don't want to be the aforementioned person anymore. I don't want to walk around, slouched over because the chip on my shoulder continues to grow. So I release it and let it go. Here. In the form of words.
Parenting is difficult. It's not something I ever wanted or imagined myself doing. It is even more difficult to parent children who aren't yours. Who you didn't raise from birth or who you don't have full say on how they're disciplined or even rewarded. Having to constantly work within someone elses perimeters or 'fix' and 'adjust' what has already been developed before you arrived in the picture is - hard. For me? There are very little rewards. But parenting isn't about rewards or feeling good about yourself. It's about helping someone else develop into the best version of themselves they can be - often at your expense. Well that's how it is for me. I did sign up for this parenting thing when I said "I do" but I obviously had no clue what I was getting into.
Parenting is also something that is 'timed'. Because you only have so much time, during each phase of life, to get it right. You only have so many days to teach your children, prepare them and ensure they're ready to tackle the next stage. When time begins to run out and your child is missing the bus - you push a little harder, try a little more.
But the time will come... when patience runs out. When I stop caring. When I stop giving. When I sit back and say "I've done what I can. I've given you the tools I know how. The rest is up to you". It's too hard and it's too draining to constantly hear the words "I don't know" or "I forgot" or see them roll their eyes or pout as if you've asked them to give you the world.
I don't ask for much. But I give a lot. And I am about out of giving a shit.
When I write these posts, I am usually ranting and complaining or giving my opinion on something that is happening around me. Usually, it's therapeutic. Why? Because I don't want to be the aforementioned person anymore. I don't want to walk around, slouched over because the chip on my shoulder continues to grow. So I release it and let it go. Here. In the form of words.
Parenting is difficult. It's not something I ever wanted or imagined myself doing. It is even more difficult to parent children who aren't yours. Who you didn't raise from birth or who you don't have full say on how they're disciplined or even rewarded. Having to constantly work within someone elses perimeters or 'fix' and 'adjust' what has already been developed before you arrived in the picture is - hard. For me? There are very little rewards. But parenting isn't about rewards or feeling good about yourself. It's about helping someone else develop into the best version of themselves they can be - often at your expense. Well that's how it is for me. I did sign up for this parenting thing when I said "I do" but I obviously had no clue what I was getting into.
Parenting is also something that is 'timed'. Because you only have so much time, during each phase of life, to get it right. You only have so many days to teach your children, prepare them and ensure they're ready to tackle the next stage. When time begins to run out and your child is missing the bus - you push a little harder, try a little more.
But the time will come... when patience runs out. When I stop caring. When I stop giving. When I sit back and say "I've done what I can. I've given you the tools I know how. The rest is up to you". It's too hard and it's too draining to constantly hear the words "I don't know" or "I forgot" or see them roll their eyes or pout as if you've asked them to give you the world.
I don't ask for much. But I give a lot. And I am about out of giving a shit.
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