The Time Will Come.

I don't walk around in my every day life with a chip on my shoulder (anymore). There was a time in my life when it felt like the world was against me and my actions reflected that. I don't feel that way anymore - so generally speaking, I am a happy person. I don't make every Facebook post as a call for attention or to create drama (and then turn around and pretend I hate drama) I am not one of those busy bodies with nothing to do.

When I write these posts, I am usually ranting and complaining or giving my opinion on something that is happening around me. Usually, it's therapeutic. Why? Because I don't want to be the aforementioned person anymore. I don't want to walk around, slouched over because the chip on my shoulder continues to grow. So I release it and let it go. Here. In the form of words.

Parenting is difficult. It's not something I ever wanted or imagined myself doing. It is even more difficult to parent children who aren't yours. Who you didn't raise from birth or who you don't have full say on how they're disciplined or even rewarded. Having to constantly work within someone elses perimeters or 'fix' and 'adjust' what has already been developed before you arrived in the picture is - hard. For me? There are very little rewards. But parenting isn't about rewards or feeling good about yourself. It's about helping someone else develop into the best version of themselves they can be - often at your expense. Well that's how it is for me. I did sign up for this parenting thing when I said "I do" but I obviously had no clue what I was getting into.

Parenting is also something that is 'timed'. Because you only have so much time, during each phase of life, to get it right. You only have so many days to teach your children, prepare them and ensure they're ready to tackle the next stage. When time begins to run out and your child is missing the bus - you push a little harder, try a little more.

But the time will come... when patience runs out. When I stop caring. When I stop giving. When I sit back and say "I've done what I can. I've given you the tools I know how. The rest is up to you". It's too hard and it's too draining to constantly hear the words "I don't know" or "I forgot" or see them roll their eyes or pout as if you've asked them to give you the world.

I don't ask for much. But I give a lot. And I am about out of giving a shit.