At the end of every year, I find myself taking a look back to reflect. I cringe at the bad, cry over the painful and laugh at the good. It's always a mixed bag of emotions. I've actually learned a lot about myself this year.
I Give Too Much - I constantly sacrifice myself, my emotions, my hopes, dreams, desires and time - for everybody else. A little self-sacrifice is okay but constantly and always is relentless. This year, I said no more. I still give a lot but I have limits now. I'll only bend so far and then I wash my hands with it. It's a learned art. I haven't perfected it. Sadly, it's resulted in me caring less but as morbid as it sounds - I have to. I have to care less about others in order to care more about me. I do have some 'balanced' relationships in my life but for those that weren't balanced - they're the ones I let go of. At least a little bit.
I Don't Like Fake - Who does, right? But I really don't like it. I have been faced with some scenarios this year that have left me disappointed to the core. People who act a certain way or spin a specific story - only in an effort to manipulate you or take off the heat. Then they turn around and continue being the super big asshole they've always been. Reality Check? Those who know you, the real you, they know you're being fake. All these stories you're spinning to everyone else to make them believe you're a victim - they'll eventually get to know you too. And when they do, they'll discard you like dirty trash. So be careful who you're being fake with. Watch who you make the monster out to be. It will only bite you in the ass. Be real. Be you. And if you don't like being you, or showing people who you really are - then change. Do things different. Be someone people want to be around. Make yourself proud. If you constantly find yourself being left behind, un-cared for, alone - there's probably a reason. And it's not me.
I Hate Cancer - Who doesn't. I've seen a lot of posts lately about celebrities who passed away. People are all hating on 2016 because it took Carrie Fisher, Florence Henderson, David Bowie, etc., Yes, it is sad. Yes, a lot of iconic people died and some tragically and unexpectedly. But you know who's passings have left an impact on me? Mark Fassio. Mike Reddy, Anthony VanGundy, Brian Badstibner - just to name a few. These men all had the same cancer as Chad. They fought a hard battle and are now watching over their families from heaven.
I wish I could care more that Alan Thicke died. I loved watching him as a child. But I just can't because I am not as in touch with their stories. Chad is going on two years being Cancer Free. During that time I have met a lot of people battling the same fight. Some are doing well, others are not - some have passed on. People who were diagnosed after Chad - gone. People we met in person when Chad was in the hospital- gone. So when I look at my husband, who may be in pain but is still here - doing well - my heart aches for the wives of those men I mentioned. And the countless others I have met who have suffered and lost and continue to do so. Cancer may not be an every day thing for our family (God willing, knock on wood) but it's always there. It changed everything. Forever.
I Am Loyal - To a point. I've always been very loyal. I realized recently - sometimes too loyal. You can devote everything you have to something and that doesn't mean it's appreciated or even understood. A word can destroy everything. I will continue being who I am but I'm going to try not to be too blind because loyalty doesn't always go both ways.
So with all that negativity out of the way - I can look back on 2016 and say, at least for my family - it was a pretty good year. Well - the last quarter. Not just because Chad got another clear scan (Though, that's amazing) and not just because we purchased a home (though that is really awesome). My marriage was better in general, I had less daily stress from other factors, and I put more effort into myself and my happiness. Those are the things I want to focus on for 2017.
I learned some hard lessons this year. Sometimes you need to let go, stop caring and change focus. Good things can happen. Be patient. Work hard and always, always take time to love. Life is short. Embrace it. Cherish it. And never, ever take a day for granted. Each one on this planet is a blessing and should be treated as such.
To all of you out there who may stumble across this. May 2017 be an amazing year with more laughs than tears, more highs than lows and more love than you know what to do with <3
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Friday, November 11, 2016
Brain Explosion
I have so much on my mind lately, I feel like my brain is going to explode straight out of my head. I don't even know where to begin.
There's this never-ending sea-saw effect in my life where I attempt to balance the happiness and hopefulness with the weariness and fear. Sometimes the scale tops a little in either direction and it's too much too handle. I live with the constant paranoia if something goes good, what does that mean is waiting for me around the corner that is going to upset my life? Of course Chad's health is my primary concern.
Aside from that, the events of my family and the world have my mind in spirals. I literally crave sleep every night. Not because I get rest but because - at least for a few minutes - I shut down and not obsess over every little thing from whether or not the house purchase will come through, if Chad's health will improve to if my step kids have everything they need for their next stage of life.
Being human is a complex ball of emotions. I was raised to work hard and to never give up. Over the years I have learned that it is my responsibility to do things well, not procrastinate and never, ever quit - to do everything I can to achieve the results I desire. I value honesty above all else and it is so unbelievably maddening when I see people close to me (or even just acquaintances) who act as though they're one way (usually a victim) when in reality, they're the most self-serving, egotistical and lackadaisical person on the planet. Those who claim they are superior and put on this heroic act when the truth is; for those who really know them ... Well they're nothing like the visage they put forth.
Another frustration lies with those people who you do everything for. You give them every ounce of energy and every benefit of a doubt and they, in return, don't give a rats ass. They'll treat a near-stranger better than they treat you and it leaves you pondering why you even bother.
On another note: Social media. Man, Facebook hurts my head. We live in a society where everyone is offended by everything and god forbid you have a different opinion. If people spent more time opening their tiny little minds instead of being offended by every Tom, Dick and Harry on the internet - they may actually grow, mature and learn something. Expand their thought process beyond their own comfortable little border and explore a land of possibility where everything isn't so black and white.
Then there are those who have opinions but do nothing about them. The election for example. I've seen people make prophetic statements about the state of their country but they've never done a lick of research or invested any time what-so-ever in learning what each party represented and what promises the platforms held. Nevermind the fact they didn't even bother to vote to begin with.I strongly believe if you don't educate yourself, if you don't vote - then you don't deserve to have an opinion. You didn't have one when it mattered, you don't get one now.
With all that ranting put aside. I am more happy today than I have been in a very long time. Little pieces of my life are coming together and while I worry about Chad constantly, I am so happy to have him with me and see him strong enough to push through each day. I am so blessed to have a man like him, a family like I have and the friends I call near and dear. All in all. It's a great day to be alive.
There's this never-ending sea-saw effect in my life where I attempt to balance the happiness and hopefulness with the weariness and fear. Sometimes the scale tops a little in either direction and it's too much too handle. I live with the constant paranoia if something goes good, what does that mean is waiting for me around the corner that is going to upset my life? Of course Chad's health is my primary concern.
Aside from that, the events of my family and the world have my mind in spirals. I literally crave sleep every night. Not because I get rest but because - at least for a few minutes - I shut down and not obsess over every little thing from whether or not the house purchase will come through, if Chad's health will improve to if my step kids have everything they need for their next stage of life.
Being human is a complex ball of emotions. I was raised to work hard and to never give up. Over the years I have learned that it is my responsibility to do things well, not procrastinate and never, ever quit - to do everything I can to achieve the results I desire. I value honesty above all else and it is so unbelievably maddening when I see people close to me (or even just acquaintances) who act as though they're one way (usually a victim) when in reality, they're the most self-serving, egotistical and lackadaisical person on the planet. Those who claim they are superior and put on this heroic act when the truth is; for those who really know them ... Well they're nothing like the visage they put forth.
Another frustration lies with those people who you do everything for. You give them every ounce of energy and every benefit of a doubt and they, in return, don't give a rats ass. They'll treat a near-stranger better than they treat you and it leaves you pondering why you even bother.
On another note: Social media. Man, Facebook hurts my head. We live in a society where everyone is offended by everything and god forbid you have a different opinion. If people spent more time opening their tiny little minds instead of being offended by every Tom, Dick and Harry on the internet - they may actually grow, mature and learn something. Expand their thought process beyond their own comfortable little border and explore a land of possibility where everything isn't so black and white.
Then there are those who have opinions but do nothing about them. The election for example. I've seen people make prophetic statements about the state of their country but they've never done a lick of research or invested any time what-so-ever in learning what each party represented and what promises the platforms held. Nevermind the fact they didn't even bother to vote to begin with.I strongly believe if you don't educate yourself, if you don't vote - then you don't deserve to have an opinion. You didn't have one when it mattered, you don't get one now.
With all that ranting put aside. I am more happy today than I have been in a very long time. Little pieces of my life are coming together and while I worry about Chad constantly, I am so happy to have him with me and see him strong enough to push through each day. I am so blessed to have a man like him, a family like I have and the friends I call near and dear. All in all. It's a great day to be alive.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Another Year Has Passed
Today is my last day as a 35-year old. I will be turning the ripe old age of 36 which means I am one step closer to 40! I am not one of those who dreads aging but I do find myself a little on the depressed side but it has nothing to do with becoming a year older.
I'm certainly not living the life I was dreaming of living but I do have a lot of blessings. I don't make enough at my job to be rich but it gets the bills paid and I love the work I get to do everyday. I wish I owned my own home. I wish I had a fancy new car that I wasn't just waiting on to die. I wish this weight loss journey would be easier. I wish my marriage was better. I wish my step kids listened better and learned from their mistakes. I wish my family was closer. I wish I had more friends.
The list goes on and as I sat here typing this the thought crossed my mind "So does everyone else". I'm not special. We all have what we have and we all probably sometimes wish for more.. or better. Some of us are more content than others. Most days, I manage. Some days I am miserable. And once and awhile I'm even happy.
One thing is for sure. As each day passes and each birthday gets celebrated - it makes it abundantly clear that I am not getting any younger. I have been blessed with life and I need to get busy living it. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and if I really want change, to go after it. I am too young to settle for tears on my pillow. I have too much to offer the world to be tucked away, hiding from new experiences. So my birthday wish for me... is that I put time and energy into myself, my family, my friends... And help them be happy but also help myself. It's amazing to Pay it Forward to others but sometimes it's good to pay it back to yourself.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Love Hurts
There's a lot of heartache and heart break around me lately. I even have some of my own (don't we all). I am seeing marriages and relationships fall apart everywhere I look and it breaks my heart.
It breaks my heart because it solidifies just how easily our world can come crumbling down around us and leave us broken, bruised and alone. Being alone isn't the worst thing in the world but being lonely pretty much sucks. It's such a devastating feeling to be surrounded by people, yet feel utterly and completely alone.
Some relationships were destined for disaster from the beginning. Some are toxic and if continued would only leave the person a mere skeleton of their former selves. But some ... are a fairy tale turned nightmare and it makes no logical sense why the parties involved can't see the forest for the trees and hang on for dear life.
I can't give relationship advice - I need it - but I can't give it. (lol) All I can tell you is if you love the person you're with, truly love them - even if you don't like them sometimes - show them just how important they are. Don't take them for granted. Don't assume they'll always be there. Celebrate them. Encourage them. Support them. Be their number one fan because chances are - they're yours.
If you screw up - say you're sorry. It could be the difference between your loved one crying themselves to sleep at night or falling asleep with peace in their heart. A little bit of love, a little bit of understanding - a little bit of compassion ... can go a long, long way.
If you're missing someone right now, or wondering how you'll make it alone ... I don't have the answer for you. But I know you will. Time is your best and worst friend right now and I pray you find the peace to move forward and the strength to keep going. Whatever your future will hold is left to be determined. All you can do right now is take it ... one day at a time.
Love Hurts.
It breaks my heart because it solidifies just how easily our world can come crumbling down around us and leave us broken, bruised and alone. Being alone isn't the worst thing in the world but being lonely pretty much sucks. It's such a devastating feeling to be surrounded by people, yet feel utterly and completely alone.
Some relationships were destined for disaster from the beginning. Some are toxic and if continued would only leave the person a mere skeleton of their former selves. But some ... are a fairy tale turned nightmare and it makes no logical sense why the parties involved can't see the forest for the trees and hang on for dear life.
I can't give relationship advice - I need it - but I can't give it. (lol) All I can tell you is if you love the person you're with, truly love them - even if you don't like them sometimes - show them just how important they are. Don't take them for granted. Don't assume they'll always be there. Celebrate them. Encourage them. Support them. Be their number one fan because chances are - they're yours.
If you screw up - say you're sorry. It could be the difference between your loved one crying themselves to sleep at night or falling asleep with peace in their heart. A little bit of love, a little bit of understanding - a little bit of compassion ... can go a long, long way.
If you're missing someone right now, or wondering how you'll make it alone ... I don't have the answer for you. But I know you will. Time is your best and worst friend right now and I pray you find the peace to move forward and the strength to keep going. Whatever your future will hold is left to be determined. All you can do right now is take it ... one day at a time.
Love Hurts.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Better
For anyone who stumbled across my post this morning - I am better. I felt compelled to write because that was uber depressing and I've had a bit of a turn-around.
I was feeling very, very low. And I am sure I will again sometime soon (lol) but today was a good day. Nothing super special happened but my perspective was adjusted a little.
My beautiful step-mother Nancy, read this blog, and reached out to me this morning before she went into work. It meant a lot and I guess I really needed someone to lean on and let me know I'm not alone. And I don't mean alone in the sense that I have no one there for me, etc., I mean more like: Sometimes I feel like I am going through things where there's no possible happy resolution. That I have the worst marriage or the biggest struggle with this or that. So it was re-assuring (albeit depressing lol) to know that a loving couple who has been married for 16 years has the same kind of ups and downs that I do. If they got through it, so can I right? And like my Dad said tonight when he called "It's not a sprint (to reach results), it's a marathon". So I just need to remain focused and keep my eye on the ball.
Nancy also reminded me that it's okay to want things, to want a support system and to not always have to be the the strong one. Sometimes I feel guilty for shouting "WHAT ABOUT ME?" because it's in my nature (as it is for most women) to want to fix things and put everyone else first. But sometimes, I need to be first. And that's okay. And if no one wants to make me first, then I will make me first.
That phone conversation turned my mood around significantly. I ended up having a very productive work day and a fantastic work out. A friend from the gym gave me some of her Energy supplement and (excuse the language) HOLY SHIT did it ever work. I have been scouring the planet for about two years for something to give me a little jump because my energy can be so low sometimes. I had already ordered some a couple days ago when she and I were talking to this guy about it - and now I can't wait for it to arrive! I can't remember the last time I did that well in Zumba and sweat that much! I got tired towards the end and my back and knees still bothered me but I definitely had more to give.
Oh and this is the lowest weigh-in I've had, so that didn't hurt. :)
Anyways - like I said. I'm better.
Thank-You <3
I was feeling very, very low. And I am sure I will again sometime soon (lol) but today was a good day. Nothing super special happened but my perspective was adjusted a little.
My beautiful step-mother Nancy, read this blog, and reached out to me this morning before she went into work. It meant a lot and I guess I really needed someone to lean on and let me know I'm not alone. And I don't mean alone in the sense that I have no one there for me, etc., I mean more like: Sometimes I feel like I am going through things where there's no possible happy resolution. That I have the worst marriage or the biggest struggle with this or that. So it was re-assuring (albeit depressing lol) to know that a loving couple who has been married for 16 years has the same kind of ups and downs that I do. If they got through it, so can I right? And like my Dad said tonight when he called "It's not a sprint (to reach results), it's a marathon". So I just need to remain focused and keep my eye on the ball.
Nancy also reminded me that it's okay to want things, to want a support system and to not always have to be the the strong one. Sometimes I feel guilty for shouting "WHAT ABOUT ME?" because it's in my nature (as it is for most women) to want to fix things and put everyone else first. But sometimes, I need to be first. And that's okay. And if no one wants to make me first, then I will make me first.
That phone conversation turned my mood around significantly. I ended up having a very productive work day and a fantastic work out. A friend from the gym gave me some of her Energy supplement and (excuse the language) HOLY SHIT did it ever work. I have been scouring the planet for about two years for something to give me a little jump because my energy can be so low sometimes. I had already ordered some a couple days ago when she and I were talking to this guy about it - and now I can't wait for it to arrive! I can't remember the last time I did that well in Zumba and sweat that much! I got tired towards the end and my back and knees still bothered me but I definitely had more to give.
Oh and this is the lowest weigh-in I've had, so that didn't hurt. :)
Anyways - like I said. I'm better.
Thank-You <3
Just Waiting...
I'm struggling.
Looking for a way, looking for an answer
Hoping someone else can figure it out for me
I have no idea what is the right thing to do
I pride myself on making the right choices, even if they're not easy. But what's 'right' ? I have no clue right now.
Do I feed the entitlement? Do I sacrifice myself?
Do I continue to wait and hope, even though each day means I lose a little more of myself?
I try to hang onto the good times. They do exist. They're just so far and few between that it's hard to remember what they are sometimes. Or how they made me feel.
Usually, I feel alone. Lost. Like I'm walking on a tread mill, up a hill, in the dark and I have no idea what I'll find at the end of my journey - if anything at all. I see nothing, I feel nothing. But pain. And tears. And loneliness.
I have no one in my day to day life that supports or encourages me. I give, and give, and give, and give until there's NOTHING left. And then I give some more.
Just waiting, hoping - someday, maybe - someone here will SEE me. And care. And act like they care. And show me they care.
I'm just waiting........
Looking for a way, looking for an answer
Hoping someone else can figure it out for me
I have no idea what is the right thing to do
I pride myself on making the right choices, even if they're not easy. But what's 'right' ? I have no clue right now.
Do I feed the entitlement? Do I sacrifice myself?
Do I continue to wait and hope, even though each day means I lose a little more of myself?
I try to hang onto the good times. They do exist. They're just so far and few between that it's hard to remember what they are sometimes. Or how they made me feel.
Usually, I feel alone. Lost. Like I'm walking on a tread mill, up a hill, in the dark and I have no idea what I'll find at the end of my journey - if anything at all. I see nothing, I feel nothing. But pain. And tears. And loneliness.
I have no one in my day to day life that supports or encourages me. I give, and give, and give, and give until there's NOTHING left. And then I give some more.
Just waiting, hoping - someday, maybe - someone here will SEE me. And care. And act like they care. And show me they care.
I'm just waiting........
Sunday, July 17, 2016
I Am Trying To Understand...
A few things...
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I love being able to keep in touch and up to speed with friends and family all across the globe. What I dislike is how frustrated I get when I read some people's posts.
We all have opinions. Neither of us is right or wrong - that's the simple fact of the matter. So long as it is an opinion and you're not trying to pass it off as a 'fact', then I have no beef. But that doesn't mean you don't hurt my head (and sometimes my heart) With that said, I am sure I do the same to some of you.
There's a few things; some light-hearted, some heavy - that have been on my mind lately. I haven't made any Facebook posts about them because I'm not interested in debates. I was hoping it would just go away and I could move on and forget about it but some folks continue to post over and over and over - and there's apparently no ignoring it.
Pokemon Go - For the love of God, stop being so petty. I think the game is pretty stupid. I downloaded it to see what all the craze was about. I 'caught' a couple Pokemon. It didn't excite me, if anything it was humorous. What's not humorous are the people getting all bent out of shape about it. It is a game and it is NOT hurting anyone. Those people getting hurt or doing stupid things are stupid people, doing stupid things. Stop blaming the damn game.
Parents have never-ending complaints about how 'kids-now-a-days' don't go outside anymore. All they do is sit inside on their phones and play games. Well - now they're outside. And you're still complaining! "The kids are making so much noise" "They're walking all around town, being unsafe" "There's kids in my yard! Get Out!"
I get it; some people are stupid. But rather than ban your child from the game - or rather than demand Pokemon shut this travesty down. Why not TALK to your kids? Why not educate them on the importance on being smart and safe and making the right choices? How about giving them limitations such as; no playing after dark. Do not enter private property. Don't cross busy streets. Don't go down dark alleys. Do not play this game without a buddy. Take accountability for your kids being idiots and teach them what it means to interact with society and be outside.
Nice, France - For those unaware, there's been a tragedy in Nice, France. A suspected terrorist drove a bus into a crowd of people and killed over 80 civilians. It's heart breaking, devastating and scary. I cannot tell you how many people have I seen on my Facebook use this tragedy to support their argument about gun laws in the USA. Some even went so far as to make a joke about it. "Time to ban buses! Let's tighten up bus-laws"
.............................. I get you're passionate about your guns. I get you want to own a gun. That's fine by me. Go for it. But for the love of God have some class. Show some empathy. Support your cause - but don't do it at the expense of a tragedy like this.
I pray and I hope that this level of ignorance is short-lived. That people truly, truly can see the difference between civilians carelessly taking lives and terrorist attacks. I pray and I hope that people out there understand that it's not funny when someone... drives a bus into a crowd people. Or when someone ignites a bomb and blows up a train station ... or when someone flies an airplane into a building. That. Is. Not. Funny.
Good Times and Bad Times - We all have highs and lows in our lives. For me personally, it's been a difficult 2 years really. I've had some super highs and I've had some mega lows. It's during those low times that I knew who was there for me. I want you to know I haven't, nor will I ever - forget. You will always hold a special place in my heart.
I also won't forget those who weren't there. Those who didn't reach out. Who all but ignored me. (Or actually did ignore me) I won't ever forget. You've damaged our relationship and sadly you're probably so wrapped up in your own little world to even notice. If you're not going to be there for the tough times, then I don't want you there for the good times. You broke my heart and to this day, I can't think about it without crying. Strangers, people I have never met in my life - checked in, sent prayers, love and encouragement. But there are some of you, who never said a damn thing. To be honest, if I didn't know better, I wouldn't even think you knew what had transpired. But you did. I forgive you because I have to, to move on with my life. But I won't ever forget. And if, God Forbid, you ever need your friends and family in the manner in which I did - I hope you never understand how I feel.
Peace Out.
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I love being able to keep in touch and up to speed with friends and family all across the globe. What I dislike is how frustrated I get when I read some people's posts.
We all have opinions. Neither of us is right or wrong - that's the simple fact of the matter. So long as it is an opinion and you're not trying to pass it off as a 'fact', then I have no beef. But that doesn't mean you don't hurt my head (and sometimes my heart) With that said, I am sure I do the same to some of you.
There's a few things; some light-hearted, some heavy - that have been on my mind lately. I haven't made any Facebook posts about them because I'm not interested in debates. I was hoping it would just go away and I could move on and forget about it but some folks continue to post over and over and over - and there's apparently no ignoring it.
Pokemon Go - For the love of God, stop being so petty. I think the game is pretty stupid. I downloaded it to see what all the craze was about. I 'caught' a couple Pokemon. It didn't excite me, if anything it was humorous. What's not humorous are the people getting all bent out of shape about it. It is a game and it is NOT hurting anyone. Those people getting hurt or doing stupid things are stupid people, doing stupid things. Stop blaming the damn game.
Parents have never-ending complaints about how 'kids-now-a-days' don't go outside anymore. All they do is sit inside on their phones and play games. Well - now they're outside. And you're still complaining! "The kids are making so much noise" "They're walking all around town, being unsafe" "There's kids in my yard! Get Out!"
I get it; some people are stupid. But rather than ban your child from the game - or rather than demand Pokemon shut this travesty down. Why not TALK to your kids? Why not educate them on the importance on being smart and safe and making the right choices? How about giving them limitations such as; no playing after dark. Do not enter private property. Don't cross busy streets. Don't go down dark alleys. Do not play this game without a buddy. Take accountability for your kids being idiots and teach them what it means to interact with society and be outside.
Nice, France - For those unaware, there's been a tragedy in Nice, France. A suspected terrorist drove a bus into a crowd of people and killed over 80 civilians. It's heart breaking, devastating and scary. I cannot tell you how many people have I seen on my Facebook use this tragedy to support their argument about gun laws in the USA. Some even went so far as to make a joke about it. "Time to ban buses! Let's tighten up bus-laws"
.............................. I get you're passionate about your guns. I get you want to own a gun. That's fine by me. Go for it. But for the love of God have some class. Show some empathy. Support your cause - but don't do it at the expense of a tragedy like this.
I pray and I hope that this level of ignorance is short-lived. That people truly, truly can see the difference between civilians carelessly taking lives and terrorist attacks. I pray and I hope that people out there understand that it's not funny when someone... drives a bus into a crowd people. Or when someone ignites a bomb and blows up a train station ... or when someone flies an airplane into a building. That. Is. Not. Funny.
Good Times and Bad Times - We all have highs and lows in our lives. For me personally, it's been a difficult 2 years really. I've had some super highs and I've had some mega lows. It's during those low times that I knew who was there for me. I want you to know I haven't, nor will I ever - forget. You will always hold a special place in my heart.
I also won't forget those who weren't there. Those who didn't reach out. Who all but ignored me. (Or actually did ignore me) I won't ever forget. You've damaged our relationship and sadly you're probably so wrapped up in your own little world to even notice. If you're not going to be there for the tough times, then I don't want you there for the good times. You broke my heart and to this day, I can't think about it without crying. Strangers, people I have never met in my life - checked in, sent prayers, love and encouragement. But there are some of you, who never said a damn thing. To be honest, if I didn't know better, I wouldn't even think you knew what had transpired. But you did. I forgive you because I have to, to move on with my life. But I won't ever forget. And if, God Forbid, you ever need your friends and family in the manner in which I did - I hope you never understand how I feel.
Peace Out.
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